London MCM Expo October 2012. Meeting The Cast Of The Walking Dead, Jeffrey DeMunn and Andrew Rothenberg. (Dale and Jim.)
Wow it had been a long time since attending an Expo in the UK. After being fortunate enough to attend Comic Con in San Diego California in 2008, I had such a pleasant experience that I chose to attend the conventions in England regularly.
I used to attend London MCM Expo twice a year in both May and October. I had also been to Ayacon for my 18th birthday based in Warwick and to a midlands expo as well. Another more quirky trip was Cosplay Cruise in London which only allowed a limited number to attend. I went on this with my friends who I had met at London conventions who were all from different places in the UK. It was one of the best experiences of my life.
I've met some great people through conventions and really they're also the only chance to meet up with those same people again. It's a shame however as time passes, especially with moving away to university how easy it is to lose contact with people so easily, especially as I have been feeling so alone recently, remembering these times reminds me of how much I miss being around these people.
Here are some photos of my previous cosplays, I made all of them including the penguin cosplay. (From Azumanga Daioh when Chiyo dressed as a penguin.) Please excuse my appearance in these, just enjoy the cosplays and my friends, I really feel very insecure about how I look in these as I was about 3-4 stone heavier when these were taken so I feel gutted that I've ruined what could have been lovely group photos.
Gintama Group Photo Shoot from Cosplay Cruise in London. A wonderful group of lovely people who I really haven't seen or kept in contact with enough! I really do hope to get to spend some good time with them again soon.
In London, I am cosplaying Kagura from Gintama whilst the other two girls are cosplaying from Hetalia. I was fortunate to meet these people at an Expo in London who were conveniently from Bristol. I went to Japan with them and had some fabulous convention experiences with this group but again I feel as though I have lost touch with most which is unfortunate, hopefully once I have finished university I will have better contact with people again.
Here I am cosplaying as Vanille from Final Fantasy 13, I don't know why as I definitely did not have the figure at the time to pull this off... I've chosen this photo as it hides most of myself, the full photos of me are actually a bit upsetting to look at, I don't like seeing how I used to look at all... not that I look much better now haha. My friend Chris is in this photo, cosplaying from Gintama, a very lovely person again!
Again, please ignore me on the right, the girl on the left is a lovely, lovely lady called Jenny. She was the first person I met this day who was also cosplaying from Gintama, she informed me about the group meetup therefore introducing me to the people in the first group photo from Cosplay Cruise. Again I'm so bad at keeping on top of leisure time that I lack much contact with this lovely girl. I need to learn to stop worrying about my coursework and worrying that I'm not doing a productive activity when contemplating leisure time and just sit back, open Facebook chat and have a chin wag with distant friends!
Here I am cosplaying as the penguin from Azumanga Daioh that Chiyo dresses up as. Before you ask, no that is not the real Keanu Reeves, he just looks freakishly similar!
Here is a cosplay I did from the anime Shuffle! Unfortunately again, I don't like my figure much at all... I wish I could go back and do these cosplays again looking how I do now. Here I'm with my friend messing around with stupid poses. I guess the important thing I should remember is that I had fun, regardless of how horrible I looked ha.
I'd also cosplayed as The Scout from Team Fortress 2 on several occasions. This was at a friend's party and at midlands Expo.
I also did the same cosplay for my 21st birthday with my house mates here in Lincoln as they are all gamers.
Much of an improvement since unintentionally losing so much weight. I guess from these recent photos of my female Scout cosplay from Team Fortress 2 probably show you already a difference from how I looked in the older Scout cosplays or even the Gintama cosplays.
So that's just a bit of an introduction to you all of my cosplay experience. It had always been a pleasant one, making new friends and finding quirky items. It had been a while, too long, over a year since I have attended any sort of thing. After my horrible experiences of university last year, ending up homeless or bullied severely, ill, becoming frightened at work and getting cheated out of a grade at university for being in hospital for a procedure on the same date as a hand in, my confidence was safely and surely knocked. My doctor believes all of my stress and worrying was the biggest cause to my weight loss as it would cause me to be physically sick quite often and created many stomach issues for me that still aren't repairing. However, they never fully got to the bottom of the situation and I never received any medication or anything to control the pain or weight loss. So it is still a continuing problem, one at which I am left feeling very lost and lack much energy or strength to do many leisure activities.
After all of those events, I guess I felt some what let down by people. I didn't realise this over the top obsession about income, profit and money turned people so horrible. I didn't enjoy having to force sales onto elderly couples or teenagers with social disorders that would just panic and be taken advantage of. I didn't want to fail an assignment because a university procedure could not be placed for extenuating circumstances. (Although in the end I scored around 68 for everything so it didn't matter too much that this assignment was a loss.) I also began to grow upset and frustrated with the lack of understanding from employers, doctors and even friends about my illness. I will probably do a post about this at a later date as it has been an issue playing on my mind that I need to release. Understandably after taking one day off sick at work and receiving some, I suppose unnecessary comments considering the ridiculous amount of overtime I had given this company, my manager would often ask how long I intended to be ill for. Fair enough, a business is trying to be run, profits need to be made, targets need to be met therefore reliable staff are needed. I completely understood that, but the way I was made to feel for being genuinely sick was very unbearable. My friends grew tired of my repeated excuses of I'm not well enough to come out. It would usually somehow end up meaning I am the most evil person in the world and whatever else. Whenever I saw my doctor and described the pain, vomiting, and rapid weight loss which at the time was around 3 stone over a seven month period, now a 3 and a half stone weight loss over an eleven month period, I was brushed off. Admittedly, I think the university GP is horrendous, firstly they had a very rude receptionist. (For those of you who know me, you know I hate confrontation, I am often quiet and quite shy so I would not be starting an argument.) Secondly you never have a consistent doctor and to top it all off you would spend loads of money on illnesses you did not have, I think I wasted around £70 on medication that was a mistake? I had to wait 2 months for a referral to find they had forgotten to process it, waiting for another 2 months for the referral, to then have four consecutive letters for cancelled hospital appointments. I think it took me around five months to get to see anyone, it was completely horrendous and upsetting. This time wasting that was occurring (not necessarily through the staff) but what felt like a flawed system was also costing me other things such as my job, education and social life. I recall spending a solid month in bed, I was eventually signed off work for serious illnesses because of my body's condition but because of the extremely long waiting times for any form of scan or check up I had to resign from my job.
So back to the initial point, I went through these problems where I basically felt as though people perceived me as a liar. Even the doctors would often respond with "I don't think the pain is that bad." or "Paracetamol should have worked." and then end my appointment. I had given up my job out of the fear of not being able to predict when my stomach would become stable again and I was also losing many friends. I became panicky about university and once the bullying increased and I felt too frightened to return to my accommodation I guess I was left feeling lost on where to go with my life.
The last few months, I have still been somewhat ill but the real life problems either have disappeared or are in the process of disappearing. Now I am just hoping to get back onto my feet, I've been working hard on my coursework and on my portfolio work. I've been churning out my productivity but I've been neglecting "fun". I don't feel like I have friends I could just meet up with and grab a coffee with and discuss a mixture of topics with. I have my classmates and they are lovely, but I need female friends. I really need a close female friend who I can see regularly... as I've been feeling very lonely as of late and I worry that my fear of people based on last year could just increase if I don't try getting out more (which is made very difficult thanks to my stomach) and mixing with different people.
So after churning out my dissertation proposal, blogging, drawing and designing levels for games, I received a message off of my two friends Baylea and Rhiannon. They're both beautiful and lovely, my only issue is that I hardly ever get to see them again because of distance. This whole being stranded in the middle of nowhere at university really does get to you sometimes.
They asked if I wanted to join them at this year's October London Expo. Not only this but I was informed that some of my favourite actors would be there as guests, this included Jeffrey DeMunn (Dale) and Andrew Rothenberg (Jim) from The Walking Dead. Me being the geeky comic book lover that I am pretty much jumped with glee. The Walking Dead is definitely one of my favourite TV series and I loved the graphic novels. I booked a coach ticket and agreed to meet my lovely female friends on Saturday the 27th in the Excel centre.
It was a painful morning. I had to be at the coach stop for 6:30am so I had to leave my house around 6:10am therefore I had to wake up around 5am to ensure my sluggish morning body could have enough time to ready itself for the long journey ahead. My Totoro backpack did not seem very amused by this trip.
I arrived at Expo around 11am and had to join a very long queue taking just over an hour to purchase a ticket. It appeared as if the Expo were either cutting corners by having as few staff as possible or they just hadn't predicted how many people would arrive. I felt very awkward in the queue. This year I had decided against cosplaying as I didn't have time to sew an outfit in time so I just went as me. (Yay!) However, I felt like the atmosphere had changed at this year's October Expo. Especially as it had been so long since attending one I guess it felt a bit of a shock to me, not only to see how increasingly busy it had become but also how many more screaming, eccentric, pushing and shoving, abusive characters there were about. When queueing if ever it moved everyone began shouting high five, others would scream every time they moved a step, others would shove a free hug sign in your face. I got elbowed, I had people knock into me, people try pushing their way through the queue and generally what felt like a few other inconsiderate actions. It was odd that I felt out of place at a convention, I loved making new friends there, I enjoyed when people would come up to me or vice versa and just learn about where people are from, what they do and hang around for the day. However, this queue just felt terrifying. I wasn't really feeling comfortable with the high fives, everyone else was stood in a group of friends, as mine hadn't arrived yet I was just alone. I felt like I was being laughed at, looked at as if I was odd or something, whether that is silly or not. I continuously stared at my mobile phone the whole time, texting my friends, subtly being able to avoid high fives and free hugs. (Sorry, I don't mean to sound a miserable git, it's just after seeing these things for five years in a row it gets a bit tiring.) I felt quite sad and anxious in the queue and began to regret attending Expo, it felt never ending and I really didn't enjoy the being alone part.
Finally the queue was over and I began to head to the main room with all the stalls and celebrities with my wristband now securely on. On my way I think I was knocked by at least three people would just be running past, flapping their arms in the air and elbowing you in the face as they passed. Nobody would turn and apologise either. I started to feel a bit of a freak, I worried that by not cosplaying you would just be looked at weird or something. Next I had to queue to get into the main room, people became somewhat friendlier but it was so busy to the point you could barely move and shoulders were touching elbows. (I'm very short remember!) I really wanted to find my friends as I was just starting to feel both fed up and scared, I couldn't really move to anywhere and if I did I worried I would get stepped on or someone would just knock you out of the way. On top of this everyone became so loud, the amount of people who began screaming over their shoulder at someone in front of me was insane! Although maybe I'm just getting too old for this?
So after all of my old woman nagging thoughts in my head, I finally met with Baylea and Rhiannon. It scares me to see how much shorter than these lovely ladies I am haha! Aren't they both beautiful? These were definitely the types of women I needed in my life right now, they're both so friendly and easy to talk to and I always find myself laughing and smiling around them, differently to how I normally perceive my daily happiness.
So after what had been an early morning, with a long time of sitting on a coach, to stand in a long queue, to go on a relatively long search for my friends, to have what felt like a long walk in the hail stones and rain to buy a drink, we finally back to embark on a long wait to meet Dale and Jim from The Walking Dead. This is me with my friend Baylea!
As we sat around and explored Expo, I think all of us came to the agreement that the atmosphere had changed. There were still a lot of pleasant people here but like with anything, the more populated a place becomes the increased negativity it also develops. We'd all had someone do something to make us feel uneasy or perhaps a bit offended by this point. For me it was especially with people knocking my hat off my head!
Baylea departed from me and Rhiannon as we entered the RIDICULOUSLY DISORGANISED QUEUE for The Walking Dead signings and embarked on her own adventure of creepy stalkers who would probably ruin her day! The queue for The Walking Dead signings was more of a hoard of people, nobody knew where the queue began or finished, other people didn't even know where to queue for what. The best part was when you asked the staff they said "I don't know." which wasn't feeling great. By this stage me and Rhiannon were panicking, we didn't know if we were queuing to see Edge or The Walking Dead or something else! We didn't even know if we were in a queue. Eventually enough people complained enough that the overpriced Expo experience was gradually being improved through the efforts of the staff. We queued for over 90 minutes until I finally caught a glimpse of Andrew Rothernberg (Jim) from The Walking Dead.
The two zombies were just cosplayers at the Expo, don't they look fantastic?
I think by this point Rhiannon and myself were having a heart attack, we didn't know what we were going to say to the two characters when we met them.
I kept telling her my visions of how I'd either get to the front and begin to speak but panic so much I would either throw up on them or make a weird noise or just grin and not speak. I think I ended up with something between the three, I really hope they didn't think I was a freak haha!
Firstly, Rhiannon spoke to Jeffrey DeMunn, Dale from The Walking Dead. He was ridiculously polite and friendly, he smiled and greeted us. He asked a bit about us then complimented both of us. He told Rhiannon she had a beautiful name as well! He shook our hands and said it was lovely to meet us. (He doesn't have a beard here though!)
Here I am, with Jeffrey DeMunn. I did panic a lot when talking to him. I managed to tell him he was my favourite character and how great an actor he was but I found it odd how I lost the rest of my words to nerves and excitement. There were so many things I wanted to say or ask but just couldn't but regardless he was extremely friendly and I was so delighted by how caring he was about his fans, unlike other celebrities I have met.
Next I spoke to Andrew Rothenberg. He was only in series one of The Walking Dead as Jim for 4 episodes. He was a fantastic actor, his character was very moving and he had the spotlight for one of my favourite episodes. I told him the episode he dominated was the only one to really make me cry and he did a casual victory pose as if to be like "Oh yeahhh!". Rhiannon and I laughed a lot as he was such a funny and down to earth person. Again after a few minutes of talking I felt my nerves kick in unfortunately! I couldn't fully express how much I appreciated him as an actor, as well as Jeffrey DeMunn, I really hope I didn't come across as just an annoying fan girl who said obvious things like "I love you." But I never really thought it would be so difficult to speak to a celebrity. I don't know what I'd do if I met Joseph Gordon Levitt haha! I was very delighted to get a photo with Jim as well! I recommend seeing Jim and Dale if you ever get the chance!
This is also the picture signed by Jeffrey DeMunn! It's so lovely! I will be treasuring this and those photos for life.
Sorry to be grim in this post, but I felt myself feel teary after meeting these two, and especially after parting ways with my friends Rhiannon and Baylea to return to the real world. It wasn't necessarily a negative teary, but I felt unusual as it had been the first time in about two years I had felt a form of real happiness in which there was no subconscious voice telling me to worry about another situation, my head was clear and I was focussed and happy. Everything felt very real to me and I felt awake... Obviously I felt like this after getting engaged as well. (Which you can read about by clicking here.)
I felt very fuzzy inside. Chances are those actors get so many fans and hear the same things all of the time from fans that myself and Rhiannon may not be remembered, but it was more so the buzz I had of meeting them that stayed with me. The last time I felt such a buzz was when I met Stephen King's son Joe Hill at Comic Con California in 2008. The whole time of queueing I hadn't been worrying about how I looked, I hadn't felt down about my height, I hadn't worried about what happened to me last year, I didn't worry about being judged, I didn't worry about feeling insecure about my boyfriend's ex girlfriends. I didn't worry, about anything. I felt somewhat sad on the coach as I worried once I returned to Lincoln so would my usual mindset. I hadn't really enjoyed spending the last month or two in a messed up sleeping habit and not being able to switch off from anything regardless of how petty it all is. But as I sat on that coach travelling home, I looked over my photos, I remembered the constant smiling I had around my good friends Baylea and Rhiannon. I remembered laughing and really feeling it. I remembered the excitement, almost like that of Christmas when you were a child when meeting The Walking Dead cast. I remembered the real me.
The real me, a girl who could not take her nose out of a graphic novel. A girl who would blog about her adventures on MMORPG games to develop story ideas. A girl who would play games, reference funny quotes and be silly with friends. A girl who didn't worry about what others thought. A girl who had a dream, a dream to make a graphic novel and get it published.
Ever since the comic con in 2008, seeing Joe Hill step on stage and talk about his process of getting his books published by changing his name to get published as a quality author rather than for being Stephen King's son just left me feeling inspired. He was preaching that anyone can do this and he was so enthusiastic about his work. He had a great sense of humour and all I kept thinking was, this is what I want. Not to be famous necessarily, but to have a graphic novel published and to receive just one, one piece of fan mail or have a fan approach me and say my work made a difference to their life. To know I left a mark in the world.
All of this left me with a buzz. I need to stop caring about what people think, I need to stop worrying about trying to please everybody and learn to love myself, enjoy myself and do what makes me happy. You can bend over backwards to keep managers, friends or other people happy and in turn damage your health, your self confidence. I wish the old me last year could have been more firm with people, I wish I stuck up for myself and didn't let myself become a doormat. Now I'm beginning to remember what it's like to have real friends, to enjoy real experiences and experience real happiness.
I think it's time I take a step back from the pressure, continue enjoying my degree and fill my recreational time with planning to chase a dream. I feel somehow by meeting Jeffrey DeMunn and Andrew Rothenberg I have felt enlightened to chase my dream and to believe in it. So thank you for giving me and my friend Rhiannon the opportunity to meet you both!
Does anybody else find they get inspired by similar events?
